My One Constant

So, I'm sitting here behind my laptop and its 1.56 in the morning, Malaysian time. I'm listening to a really nice worship song on repeat, because I like it (Throne Room by Awaken Generation - Just had to put it in there! Lol). And why am I awake? Well truth is, I'd usually be sound a sleep by now but I had this in my heart and just thought to write it out.

I grew up a worship leader in my schooling years (I went to a Christian school in my secondary years) and later on served as a worship leader in church too. Music speaks to me in a very special way, as I'd like to think it speaks to many of us in that special way as well. I remember being a seven year old sitting in the backseat in my mum's car listening to normal radio and some tunes that caught my attention (backstreet boys mainly) waiting for the song to end so the dj could announce the name and band of the song. I laugh to myself as I write that down. Anyways, music, music speaks volumes.

For many of you who know me, my 20's has been scarred by illness, relapses and many unanswered questions, many to which I don't have the answers to and some I know, I will never really know either. I've also had my good times in my 20's too, as Christians like to put it, we go through the hills and the valleys. And well, no, things have not always been dandy for me but I've definitely had plenty of beautiful moments in my 20's too. The thing is, my one constant in this life has always been Christ and to that I cannot deny. 

I look back, and even though some might say tough, and yeah, in many ways I wouldn't deny that, I see so much beauty in my life. But I think the real beauty behind that statement really for me comes from a place of knowing my Father in heaven. My earliest memory of the Lord was when I was a young child reading my children's bible and asking Him a question. When I flipped the bible pages the very answer I needed to hear was in that passage. I know, I know, that sounds a bit ridiculous to ears who have not heard about the Lord personally, but to me that was a very shocking moment albeit a beautiful one too. It showed me that He was listening and that just meant the world to me. 

All my life, He has held me close to Him. He really has never left me nor forsaken me. In times of brokenness, I feel His presence ever so near to me (many Christians who know this describe it as a kind of warmth over your whole body). To the things I understand and to the things I don't, to the things I question and ask, He has always been there with me and I know that. I might bore your eyes if I write any longer than this (lol), so I am going to end with the song I've been listening to, Throne Room by Awaken Generation. It amazes me, that the creator of this universe is someone I can be so close to, I've always felt Him near. And indeed, He's always been near. He is, my one desire :)

Throne Room

This is the throne room of God

I come in reverence

I stand before the creator of heaven, and earth

This is the throne room of God

You draw me closer

Undone by the arms of a Father who calls me His own

As You bring me to my knees before Your throne

I just bow in awe, I just bow in awe

As You lift my head to see You, as You are

I just say I love You Lord

And I lift my hands with a thankful soul

And I lift my voice cause it's all I know

And my soul cries out Hallelujah

Jesus You are my one desire...